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It’s tough…

23 July, 2010

Today I found out the fate of someone that I have been blessed to meet. Though his horrific choices have ultimately been self-admitted and subsequently judged, he is still a human being. I am not defending his actions in the least, but it was  a bit tough for me when I learned about what his future holds. Getting to know each other, through conversation, allowed me to open up and discuss my problems with him. Even though I knew his situation, it did not affect our relationship in the least.  Looking back, I am amazed that this guy even showed an interest in ME at all, considering the problems HE had. He truly acted selfless through the attention he gave me and my pain, and our extensive conversations have helped me to improve as a person. In getting to know him, who he TRULY is, I have been shown that the labels people receive are not necessarily all-encompassing and inflexible, nor can they permeate and change our honest souls. While our actions might brand us a certain way, our brand does not have to strip us of our ability to act positively in the future.

One of the most important things that I  learned from him was to not be judgmental of others. Even though we as humans are easy to let down our guard, if we change our perception of what is pleasant, or good, or pretty, then we are able to see these things more easily, as they exist everywhere. I am starting to see the good in the bad, because my classification system of what is bad is starting to dissolve. Of course, there will always remain such things as the severely detestable, the dangerous, the immoral, the perverse, the harmful and so on, but maybe by pecking away at these classifications, we might be able to show compassion where no compassion currently exists. I feel that a lot of crudeness exists in the world because of a lack of interest and love being shown toward someone whose realm of existence leans more towards unsightliness. Those people might just be acting on their only known defenses by actively engaging in whatever horrific deeds they know how to employ. The greatest threat of some peoples dangerous deeds are not so much toward that person themselves, but towards the people who these choices and actions directly affect. While we all make mistakes, and many of our mistakes have negative impacts on others, there are just some mistakes that are, as I’ve said, horrid. It is never OK to harm and destroy another person for our own gain, but I think that pain breeds pain, and this might be one reason as to why it is just so easy for some people to cause harm to another person.

I feel that we, as a society, need to reduce the drastic measures that some people take which in effect ruin someone else’s life.  The only way towards this possibility is to be more compassionate towards others. By changing our classifications of good, we can see more of the good in the bad. By this, we are able to show more and more people the love that they may so desperately be needing. With more people being loved, in theory, the less pain people will be feeling. And the less pain people are feeling, the harder it is to pass pain on to someone else.

Even though some mistakes are really hard to ignore, forgive, and let go, if we begin treating everyone like humans, unconditionally, then even the folks who have severely wronged others might be able to help change still others in need as well. Good people can make bad decisions, and bad people can make good decisions as well. By breaking down our perceptions, maybe we can see everyone for who they really are. People will let us know their true demeanor, in time, if we pay attention. I have been blessed to learn this lesson first hand, and it has helped me to see the underpinnings of my own actions more clearly. It is not always easy for me to do this in practice, but the more that I do practice, the easier it seems to be.

While of course it seems that there might be folks that must definitely be avoided at all costs (and probably should be, for safety’s sake), due to their present and active course of harming others, I think that even the majority of these people might not even wish to be doing whatever pain-giving activity it is that they are doing. I hope that, one day in the future, our inter-human realities as we know them might be more pleasant and less painful. I believe that this is a reasonable hope, and that it requires varying levels of participation from all humanoids, whether they be giving the compassion or receiving it. Either way, we all have a place in this, and I think that probably all of us would place ourselves in both categories, to some extent.

Closing this up, I feel for my friend. Not only for him, but I feel for the family whose lives have been forever changed due to his choices. It is very unfortunate, these situations, but we must all learn from each other. I hope that in the future my friend will be able to help change some other people’s lives, just as he has helped me in mine. Maybe, after all, this is supposed to be his path after all… as hard as it is to think of it like that…. but again, we all fall into both the good and bad categories of life at some point or another. Unfortunately, though, it seems that sometimes it takes the destruction of someone or something in order for us to see things for what they really are.

I seek to actively review my perceptions, and do to be more receptive toward understanding the needs of others. I hope that I might be able to bring comfort to someone in pain, someone who might not feel comfort otherwise. We all feel pain in our lives, and I hope that I can work toward lessening the pain that I cause other people. I hope that we might all strive towards being more compassionate towards each other…Peace.

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